Don't Sweat the Little Things

I was investing a bit of time, wasting a bit of time the other day and I came across this picture..

It's a picture from 1864, at the time of the American Civil War.  In a somewhat contradictory manner, the group has been referred to as 'The Gents' and 'The Motley Crew.'  Despite my best efforts, I've not been able to find out whether they fought for the North, the 'Union,' or for the South, the 'Confederacy.'  If anyone can help me out, I'd greatly appreciate it; I don't like gaps in facts or knowledge, especially regarding such an important, central point in a country's heritage and history.  Answers on a postcard.....

Onwards...  The picture really got me thinking.  Aye, aye, shock, thinking again.  Where in the blue hell could this be aiming?  Well, it sort of carries on from the expectations ideas some of my other posts, conveniently found directly below this one.  This time, however, I'm moving onto keeping things in perspective, keeping one foot in reality.  This time I'm talking about not sweating the little things.  This is turn helps, me at least, to keep my expectations realistic.  The photo above is the motivation.

Alrighty then, set?  So this photo was taken 149 years ago.  It records, forever, the moment 14 men sat down for at least 5 seconds (roughly the time required for a photograph exposure at the time) to claim their place in history.  I didn't take GCSE history; I dropped it just before the first lesson, didn't like the teacher.  Bad example, bad example, I know.  Despite this, however, I've always enjoyed old, interesting things.  Eventually I intend to become old and interesting myself, inevitable as it may be.  I like thinking about how mad it is that things were so massively different then.  Argghh, back to the photo.  As I was saying, these 14 blokes sat down and took their place in history.  Irrespective of their political beliefs, irrespective of the side on which they fought, they were there.  I'm going to make a few leaps and assumptions in a minute, but for now, just the facts.  They all sat down, together, right there and looked at the camera down whose lens we are now seeing them, albeit in black and white as opposed to colour.

I'd say they are aged roughly between early 20s and early 50s, as a ballpark estimate.  There are no guns in sight, but it's a fairly safe bet to say that firearms were by no means unusual or uncommon to any of them.  Admittedly we're into the assumptions now, but it wouldn't be too much of a leap to say that they all probably had experience of death in some way, shape or form.  And I'm not referring to their own.  They will all have had conversations, they will all have had arguments.  They will all have had relationships.  They will all have been happy, sad, excited and scared at one time or other.  Quite possibly, at least some of them may well have met with violent deaths.  Back to the facts; they were all there, and now they're all not there.  Whatever happened to them happened.  The war was fought and won and lost.  They left the scene of the photograph, went off into the rest of their lives and eventually left the world altogether.  Agreed with most of that?

Fast forward 149 years and now I'm sat here, you're sat there and we're both considering a photograph of some long-gone band of gentlemen.  What's the relevance?  Well, it's simple really.  They were somewhere, they did what they did, whatever that was, and now they're not.  Instead it's you and I sat here for the moment, soon to log off, stand up and proceed to do whatever it is exactly that we do.  Neither of us will be around forever.  Far from, it we're not really around very long at all.  In 149 years from now, some other people will be sat around somewhere, momentarily breaking away from 'life' to have a photograph taken (will cameras exist as such?!), to write a blog, to read a blog, to communicate, to think, to place a tiny little footnote in history.  Maybe they'll be reading this blog.....Check the ego, check the ego, unlikely I know..  

Here's the point I'm trying to make in a roundabout way; we haven't got much time to spare, we haven't got forever, and pretty soon the world will shift on again.  So we may as well try to make the most of things.  We may as well try to look on the bright side and not let every little set back start to bring the walls crashing down.  Unnecessary.  Seriously, little things are little things, and an argument, a grumpy, tired day, missing out on a job, a test result, a flight, a bet, you name it, they don't need to define us.  Nor do they need to be overplayed, or bigged up.  Things go wrong.  Things go right.  Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind.  Don't dwell on it.  Accept it.  Do your best.  Can't really do much more than that can you?

The road we're all walking down has the same end point.  Just like the 14 in the photo, just like you, just like me, just like whoever it is doing whatever they're going to be doing 149 years from.  Choose how you want to walk down it.  Fancy staring at your feet, shuffling, stumbling and moaning with a dirty great frown or scowl on your face?  Fancy being bitter and angry at everyone and everything?  Or fancy confidently striding down it taking in all of the sights, sounds and experiences there are out there, making your own luck, dragging people along with your, believing in doing the best damn job you can and making the absolute most of the journey?  Easiest decision in the whole world if you ask me..

Don't sweat the little things.  That's all they are.  You can choose how you walk through life.  Believe.  

Always, always believe.

If you're 'alright', aren't you good?

It's Sunday morning, one coffee down the hatch already and I'm still resembling, and feeling, like I've been bitten by a zombie and I'm "on the turn."  Not dead yet but not fit for public viewing.  Additionally, with no blog posts since Tuesday,  I think, I really need to step up and kick start the day (and my brain).  So, what's the topic of the day?  Well, I reckon it should be regarding my expectations of today, on an average, moderately grim-feeling, lazy, sofa-day Sunday.  Expectations.

Know what?  I can actually feel my 150 billion-odd brain nerve cells starting to fire up, this is canny.  For the pedantic ones amongst you, I know there's probably nearer 100 billion neurons in the brain, but I'm pretty clever so I've bumped the number up a bit.  Sorry, honestly, I can't help it.  Anyways, onwards.

How often have you been replied to the question, "How are you doing," with a shrug and a nod?  Perhaps you said, "Not bad."  How about, "OK," or maybe even "Alright."  Or any other type of middle-of-the-road, mediocre, average type response?  I'll bet the answer is lots of times.  It's certainly true for me.  Or at least it was certainly true for me before I started thinking about expectations and basically about choosing my own mood to a certain extent.

A couple of things to accept first: sometimes you are 'just alright,' in the same way as sometimes you won't feel great at all, and sometimes things will be amazing, tip top, boss and awesome.  Did you notice the little mental trick there - more emphasis on the positive?  No coincidences here like...  Therefore what we're really talking about today is the middle section, the average, unremarkable, standard day.  Like this typical Sunday for me.

My expectations of today are that the day will pass, I'll write this blog, do some work, tidy the flat, maybe some shopping, possibly pop out for some eats or drinks at some point.  And at some point I'll consider what sort of day it is, how I'm doing, maybe someone will ask me...  But instead of saying, "Alright," I'll be answering, "Good, canny, spot on."  How's that I hear you cry?  How can such a standard, plain day be good?  Easy really, I'm just going to choose to think about it from a slightly different angle.  Shock.

I've accepted the fact that, probably, nothing out of this world, stand out, spectacular or ground breaking is going to happen today.  Done.  But that doesn't automatically mean that it has to be a 5 out of 10 mark for the day.  The default, average day can easily be a 7 out of 10, or at the very least a 6.  I like using marks out of 10 to judge and compare things, it keeps things in perspective.  Feel free to try it.  If things are OK, then is there any good reason why you can't just slightly adjust your own scale to make the 'alright' into  'good?'  If nothing is actually wrong, can't the glass be half full instead of half empty?  YES.  By looking at things from a more positive angle, can't you just accept that average is, in fact, good?  YES.  You don't need to look for things that are wrong, nor do you need to jump all over the very first thing that doesn't go according to plan and drag down your day's mark out of 10 because of it.  True story.

I'm feeling pretty awake and up for the day now.  I'm not expecting the disastrous, nor am I expecting the incredible, breath-taking, awe-inspiring.  But it's still going to be a good day.  

Here's the challenge for you.  Next time someone asks you how you are, how you're doing, how the day's been, if it does land in the 'typical day' category, then try answering with, "Good."  Try answering with something more upbeat than, "Alright."  You'll feel better.  Before you know it, that scale will be adjusted so that the automatic response, both in your head and out loud, will be way more positive.  You'll be choosing your own mood.  

'Alright' really can be 'good,' you just have to choose!

Righto, that's enough for now, I've got stuff to sort that's not going to sort itself.  Oh, one last thing, do me a favour, answer me this....

How are you?

9 Things I'm Proud Of

OK, here's the deal, I'm going to put down 9 things I'm proud of.  You have to do the same.  I went for 9 because 9 squared is 81 and 8 plus 1 is 9.  It's the only number that does that.  Anyway...... Yeah, sorry, so it's 9 things.  There's no particular order.

1.  Being able to play the guitar.
I just like playing.  I'm glad I can.

2.  Doing my best for people.
Friends, anyone in the circle, family, acquaintances, randomers, if you can do something canny, you should I reckon.

3.  Thinking.
I've said it before, I'll say it again; The more you think, the more you understand, and understanding is everything.

4.  Getting promoted and working hard at my job.
I put in a lot of hours, I like knowing I can and do work hard.

5.  Getting voted tennis captain at university.
Pretty obvious this one I think.

6.  Getting qualifications.
GCSEs, A-levels at college, university... I'm glad I stuck with all of it, even in the dark days (and there were plenty of them) when everything felt like a total grind.

7.  Getting voted social secretary at college.
Landslide!  Basically I got to organise and run all of the college parties woo!

8.  Being able to get along with people.
I'd like to think I don't judge anyone on who they are, where they're from, how they look, and aye, get on with them as a result.  Connect, engage... that kind of thing.

9.  Believing I can make a difference to this place and knowing no matter what I'm going to keep trying to do so.

Give yourself some credit.  Make a list.  Lists are good.

So what are you proud of?  Share.  Do it.  Like now.  Post below...

That Demon In My Head

I finally decided that, at some point, maybe this year, maybe based on these blog posts, I'm going to have a crack at writing a book.  Definitely.  That's as far as I've got, but decision made, so it's got to get done now.  To the few who have suggested it, you're class, thank you.  Anyway, here's the very early first thoughts of how it might start...

That Demon In My Head

Prologue

I hear they say that everyone has a book in them.  Or is it a novel?  Well, assuming that they, whoever they are, don't mean it literally, here is my crack of the whip.  I suppose this has been a thought in process for quite a while, initially as a sort of distant faint idea of something to do, which has progressively taken shape, partly thanks to my job, partly thanks to just growing up (a bit) and largely thanks to some of the champions I know.  More about them later.

Well this is shit.  As if there's actually any point in writing a book.  You'll start it and never finish it.  It'll fester on the laptop.  Give up.  You'll forget about it until the laptop has been relegated to the bottom of a wardrobe probably.  This is a flavour of the month and nothing more.  Your writing and brain ain't as good as you make it out to be anyway, this is pointless.  Give up.  Go and make a brew instead.  You're wasting your time.  You're a waste of time.

Shut up.

That's him, that demon in my head.  No need for that kind of banter.  I'm pretty well practised and accomplished at ignoring him, pushing him down, telling him to shut up, but it's not straightforward.  It's not easy, because he's always there, however cracking I feel, however deep I bury him, however I cover him up, publicly put on a completely different act, all the tactics in the play book.  Personally, I go for gross overconfidence, semi-serious arrogance, acting daft, total belief and positive-ness (if that's a word).  I'd like to think I can control him almost all of the time.  But it's taken time and practice.

Have you got a demon in your head?  I reckon most people have, what varies is how strong the demon is, and how you deal with it, or how good you are at dealing with it.  And there it is, the point of this book.  Getting things sorted so it's you calling the shots and not the demon.  It can be done.  You can do it.

So here we go, sit tight, make a leap of faith, get ready to think, get ready to win, get ready to open your eyes, to face things down.  Get ready to believe.  Ready?  Head up then, mentally, physically, and let's crack on.

OK, that's it, that's the start.  Just got to write the rest of it now, suppose it's going to take a while.  Rats.  Either way, it's happening, so there's no point in dwelling on the downside or the negative.  In fact, now I've made the decision it means it's practically happened already.  I'm going to do it, I believe I'm going to do it, I want to do it, I might doubt myself at times but it's happening.  It's getting written.  I might struggle, I might need a hand now and then, I might not get it right first time.  But no matter how tough or how long it takes, I'm going to succeed.  All I've got to do is to do it.  So I may as well look forward, lift my head up and just crack on.

Nerves? No such thing.

Outwardly, I'm pretty confident.  Largely because I'm awesome.  Inwardly, I question myself just as much the next person.  Daily, I face an internal barrage of questions concerning whether I've done the best I can, would I do things differently, was I good enough, what if this, what if that...And so on.  I'm pretty good at getting past the self-imposed interrogation though, through practice, belief, will power etc for the majority of the time.  But this blog post isn't about the after-it's-happened scenarios, this is about the beforehand.  The pre-match nerves.  The anticipation.  The butterflies in the belly, which feel more like tigers in the tummy.  You see, I'm actually nervous about something.  Not confident about something.  Man, it's tough to even type that.

I used to want to be a rock star (OK, still do, it's just on hold for the time being.).  I'm a reasonable guitarist; I've played in a fair few bands over the years.  I love being on stage and performing, whether it's musically or as a pantomime villain.  Unfortunately, however, I wasn't blessed with a singing voice, I mean I can carry a tune, but I'm very aware that I'm no Sinatra.  Or even Sinitta.  Or even Jedward....well, maybe not that bad, you get the idea though.  So, singing is the time when I don't really feel like my usual up for it self.  And tomorrow night I'm playing, and singing, at a charity concert I agreed to perform at.

You're probably thinking, "Yeah, you've done it before, you'll be fine," or, "Well why agree to do it if you're not happy doing it?"  OK, yes I've done it before, yes I'll do it, yes I'll be fine.  True.  Fair point, although it doesn't help too much right now.  And I'm doing it because I didn't want to let anyone down, and more so, I actually enjoy it.  What??!!  Yep, I enjoy it too.

So there's the next question, how can you be both nervous, less than confident, butterflies, tigers, about something, but also enjoy it.  Well, you should have known by now that there would be a punchline in here somewhere, a bit of advice, or a pearl of thinking.  So here it is.  At the moment, yep, I'm completely nervous and basically I'm bricking it.  I'll continue to feel this way right up to the first note which exits my gob tomorrow night, hopefully in tune.  However, despite this, I know that the world ain't gonna end.  It's going to happen.  There is nothing, nothing, that is going to stop me playing tomorrow night.  I'll get through it.  Then I'll go home, have a brew, get up tomorrow, and whatever's next I'll get on with it, get past it, get over it.  Fact.  

So I'll be fine afterwards.  Now what about these nerves now?  Here's what I'm saying to myself.  Firstly, I've practised, I've done it before, I'll do it again, and I'm ready for this time, this gig.  As soon as that first note is sung, the whole thing will be happening and I'll be far too busy singing, playing and showing off to actually be nervous.  And as I've already mentioned, afterwards, the nerves will be gone because it will have happened.  Here's how I get past this type of situation; if the nerves aren't going to last, they're only a pre-curser, a before, and I know they'll disappear, and I know I'm ready, and I know I've got through this in the past then what's the point in being nervous now?  No point. None.  At the very least I'm not going to let these so-called nerves take grip of or control me.

You can't get rid of 'nerves,' but you can control them.  They don't have to overwhelm you.  Most of the time, they're just a gauge of how much you care about something.  They never last longer than the run-up to whatever it is you're nervous about.  They're not real physical things.  They can't hurt you.  They're just another little mental hurdle to hop over.  Deal with them.  Let the nerves out.  Face them down.  And before you know it, the gig, the exam, the interview whatever it is will be over anyway, so why waste too much time dwelling on the inevitable?  Can you do it?  Can I do it?  Will I sing?  Will life go on, whatever happens?  Am I going to be awesome?

The answer is YES!

I've done it now.  It went fine.  OK, it went well, actually.  And I'm still here, how about about that... What were those nerves all about eh?

How Do I Know?

A very smart person once asked me, "How do I know?"  It doesn't matter what the question is, not really.  What matters is the real meaning; "What if I get it wrong?"  Want to know the answers?  OK, here you go: you don't know, and it doesn't matter.  Things are getting pretty cryptic aren't they?

Let's look at this from two completely different angles.  Firstly, the surface question: "How do I know?"  You never really know things for certain, and I don't mean things like the 0.2 x 0.3, I mean things about yourself, about life.  By the way, what's the answer to the question?  Keep it in your head, the answer's at the bottom.  

So, what do you do to give yourself the best background knowledge and the best chance of success.  Well for starters, think.  Think why.  Question things.  And think.  Reflect.  Find your champions.  Use and trust them.  Look at past experience.  Look at where you are, where you've come from and where you want to be.  Use your brain!  If it's good, if they're good, keep hold, and if they're bad, get rid.  Be patient, learn.  Easy, full stop.  

Here's the tricky part - at the same time you need to trust yourself, trust your instincts and trust your judgement.  I like skiing.  I own a BeardSki and it's class (See the picture approximately North-North-East from here).  I often use skiing as a metaphor for thinking.  Who's the better skier, the novice who can shoot down the mountain at 100 miles per hour in a wobbly blur straight down.  They'll get down quickly but if they crash it'll be spectacular and they won't be in control.  Or is the better skier the person who thinks about what they're doing, who can carve out perfect turns at a good speed, covering the whole mountain, hitting the jumps and maintaining control (like me.....ish)?  Either way, both people need to just get down the mountain and get on with it, so be aware, for all the thinking in the world, acting is equally as important.  Don't end up at the top of a mountain of potential staring at the down slope forever without moving.  Then again, I know someone who can ski faster than me backwards than forwards, so I guess she's got the real answers, whatever they may be!

Now for the second question, "What if I get it wrong?"  I'll answer with a quote or two.

"Never regret.  If it's good, it's wonderful, if it's bad, it's experience."

Victoria Holt

"I haven't failed.... I've just found 10000 ways that won't work."

Thomas Edison

It doesn't matter if you mess something up.  There's always a way through things. Try not to make the same mistake more than once and remember there are positives in everything.  There's always something you can learn.  There's always your champions, the people who are there ready and waiting for when  you reach out.  If you don't know where they are, find them.  Think.  Learn.  

Remember, just by asking the questions, just by reading, just by thinking about things this very second, you're miles and miles and miles ahead of everyone else.

By the way, the answer is 0.06.

Keep thinking.

Hey Son, Use Your Brain.

I remember playing 5-a-side tournament when I was at school.  I was alright at 5-a-side without being spectacular, sort of a middle order batsman, decent, you know.  

So anyway, we were playing this match and my team got a free kick about a yard outside of the opposition area.  Here's a couple of rules to bear in mind.  You're not allowed to set foot in either penalty box in 5-a-side unless you're keen to concede a free kick or a penalty.  The opposing team has to retreat a few yards, unless the penalty box prevents them from retreating, in which case the defenders retreat as far as the keeper's area allows.  Basically I had a free kick, but had two people stood a yard away clearly blocking the direct route to goal.

My best bet, obviously, was to play across goal, try to work it around the defence, build play.  But I also thought what if I just blasted it as hard as possible?  One of the defenders might move their leg, lift a foot, or maybe I could even defy the laws of physics and manoeuvre the ball through unseen, even non-existent, gaps.

A bit more background for you.. In 5-a-side, a furry yellow ball is standard.  Furry makes it sound somewhat spongy, happy, jolly-good-show, but basically it's a full size football which happens to be yellow and covered with a material not too far away from velcro.  

Back to the game.  I elected to proceed with plan B.  Blast it.  I took a run up, executed a little skip half a yard away to adjust my timing for maximum 'hoof it,' and let rip.  Honestly, honestly, a perfect connection, up there with the cleanest strikes I'd ever mustered.  The yard to the defensive wall was eaten up in a split second in a yellow blur as I was still finishing an extravagant flourish of a follow through.  Have you worked it out yet?  Are you re-living the imminent glory with me?

The ball hit the nearest defender and rebounded on approximately a 70 degree angle, with the trajectory sending the ball, and it's new-found aggressive backspin directly into my face.  More specifically, directly into my eyeball.  The right one, just so you've got all the facts.  It hurt like a bastard and I couldn't open my eye for the rest of the game.  

Serves me right, aye.  Get it?  Ha ha.  OK, now for the (intended) pearl of wisdom I aim to include in all of my blogs.  If something is clearly a bad idea, if the chance of success is as good as zero, then don't do it!  I'm not saying don't take risks, I'm not saying always take the easy and safe option, I'm not.  Because that would be boring.  What I am saying is, always be aware of the cut off point.  Be aware, always, of when taking a risk becomes acting rashly.  I'm saying, "Hey son, use your brain."

Take it easy.